Hanging in the Balance
by tea-pyon
Summary: Years have passed since Susan and Caspian's last meeting, and they have each gone their separate ways. Susan is destined to live in America, Caspian in Narnia. But what had brought them together once does not fail in doing it once again.
1. Chapter 1

**I always loveddd the Narnia movies...and I feel like Susan is the least understood person. SO, here's my take on her feelings after she goes away! I've always had this canon where Susan knows about Narnia but had to sacrifice her memories in order to have her siblings keep theirs and YEA I FANGIRLED OVER SUSAN X CASPIAN SO MUCH 3**

**Enjoy...? I guess...?**

**Mr. Lewis owns all 7 wonderful books of Narnia~!**

* * *

_March 20th, Year 1941_

_Narnia_

They share a long moment of silence together, eyes locked firmly on each other's. He's the first one to crack.

"I wish we could have had more time together."

There it was. The broken silence, and suddenly, words tumble out of her mouth, the protective dam no longer there. It's like water, roaring and unpredictable.

Like Narnia.

"We never would have worked anyways." She chuckles lightly, trying to seem indifferent. But her pounding heart beating in a slightly erratic manner betrays her. Every _da-dum, da-dum _feels more and more painful. He was the light when she had lost all hope in love interests. He was all she had wanted: brave, witty, loyal.

She bit her lip, focusing only on the physical pain. She wasn't sure if her heart would last much longer. He gazes at her with those mesmerizing onyx eyes, confusion and hurt flashing across his features.

"Why not?" He questions, almost too innocently, as if he never had known the consequences of being stuck in the Shadow Lands. A sharp pang shot across her chest. unlike any other pain she had felt before. It took all her effort to keep her lips from quivering pathetically. She took a gulp of breath, and forced her lips to move.

"Well, I _am _1300 years older than you." It's another feeble attempt at making light of this situation, and a pathetically weak one at that. She even cracks a smile, but it shakes with unshed tears. They gaze into each other's eyes again, words no longer of use. Deep onyx finds startling blue ones.

She begins to turn away, knowing her time was up. He watches her turn, almost as if he was about to stop her. There, in that moment, lay so many unspoken promises, so many wishful dreams waiting in the future, but never to happen. She swallows hard, debating her choices.

_Don't do it. _

_You're better than this. _

_Just walk away, back to reality. _Her mind chimes. The words form on her lips like a mantra, and it takes all of her willpower not to cry.

_It's your last chance. _A whisper resounds quietly. The voice is timid, and it's frightened. It's scared of all the consequences, of all that might happen to her reputation if she turned back now. Would she really be able to move on? She absolutely would _not_ come back, even if her deepest desires told her to.

Abruptly, she whisks around, planting a soft kiss on his lips. Her arms encircle his neck, and his, her waist. She pours all her unsaid feelings into her lips, and to his, praying that he would understand.

He responds with fervor, pulling her close, and never wanting to let go. Sparks dance at their every touch, like the hot embers of a kindling fire. After an eternity, they pull away. He looks at her, and she looks at him. She can feel a dam about to break, the walls constructed around her crumbling-and crumbling fast.

She throws her arms around his toned form for what may be the last time, and a lonely tear slips down her soft cheek. He wants this moment to be forever-he wants her to be there for him, to ground him to the earth for eternity. No, she did not ground him. She lifted him off his feet; she was a whirling gust that danced with beautiful liveliness, and he was in the heart of the storm. She was a roaring tornado, appearing for a brief moment, and leaving with the prisoners. He could not bear letting her go.

"When I find you again, I promise-" He's cut off by her sudden absence from his arms. It feels supernatural, as if she had always been there, and suddenly was gone. Her head bobs in a tiny nod, a silent goodbye.

Her siblings are waiting patiently by the tree that would rip her presence from him forever. She forces a smile, as if all her goodbyes have been said, when in reality, there was so much more.

They share one last look before she's sucked back into her so-called home.

"You coming, Phyllis?" The boy from before, the one whom she had deceived, was waiting on the train, a gentle smile on his soft features. It was nothing like his rough, battle-worn eyes, smoldering with loyalty to his land, and love for his new-found friend. But still, she returns the smile, ever so gently, and she thinks, _It'll be okay now_.

The train rattles off into the distance.

* * *

_August 18th, Year 1942_

_America_

It's been two years now, and she's in America, doing her college studies. She's all but forgotten about Narnia, the promised land that would fulfill her every dreams. Lu had written to her a couple times, and so had Ed, and even Eustace, her stuck-up cousin. They all had gotten back to Narnia, and their tales of adventure filled her with envy. Not once had she so much as heard even the delusion of a lion's roar, and it disappointed her. Even Peter had sworn he saw Aslan for a second at the town square the other day. So why couldn't she?

Susan had believed as much as any of them all, even though it had seemed childish the first time. She had even tried telling Anna, her best friend, about it.

But Anna had only laughed, and remarked on how silly she had been as a child.

That was the last time she ever tried mentioning Narnia.

There were still pictures on her walls, the paintings she had poured countless time into. They depicted her entire family together, crowns proudly displayed on their heads, standing in front of the thrones of Cair Paravel. Their faces were hardly recognizable now, as they had been many many years older. She also drew Aslan, roaring and shaking his mane valiantly, in front of the Shuddering Woods. The trees, too, appeared on her canvases. They were dancing to a tune Lu was singing, her dress twirling between them. There was also Aslan's Table, and the White Witch, and the battle against the Telmarines. There was only one thing missing:

Him.

Countless times had she tried and failed to depict him in full detail. Countless times had she failed, and, frustrated, torn up her paper, destroying all evidence of it. Peter had visited once, and noticing this as well, had asked bluntly why he wasn't shown. She had just scoffed in response, saying something along the lines of "Can't draw him too well."

Peter had asked her this every time he visited, and every time Susan didn't reveal her true feelings. He was a book rather left unopened, a road rather left less traveled. She refused to bring up memories of him, but still didn't understand why she had ever tried to draw him.

She'd even had a few boyfriends over the years, trying to forget him. But all attempts ended in vain. Everywhere she went, his face appeared, his hands beckoned. With her boyfriends, she had seen _his_ eyes, _his_ hair_, his_ lips. She could never forget the feeling of his arms around her, his lips pressed softly to her own. She had been lying to Peter all along. Every time she tried to draw him, she remembered too much of him. She knew the way he walked- confidently, kingly, but never as if he were higher than anyone. He was kind, and sympathetic to others. He was dead loyal to the cause he believed in, even if everyone else thought otherwise.

_He was the one she fell in love with._

Even now she was in love with him. No one could ever replace those deep onyx eyes, those callused hands, that soft touch. He was irreplaceable, a solid rock in her heart's ocean.

She's dating that guy who calls her Phyllis, _Clive_. What an odd name, Clive. By now he had already figured out her real name, but decided to keep calling her Phyllis, a touch of old times. It almost pained her to respond to that name.

When Clive spoke, his words danced of his tongue like a hot fire. Quick, jittery, and shallow. All she could remember was her name on _his_ lips, the light accent coating his words. He said her name like it was the last word in the dictionary: slow, meaningful, and thoughtful. She could almost see the faint smile on his lips as his tongue rolled over the unfamiliar name. Compared to all those strange labels in Narnia, "Susan" wasn't exactly status quo.

"Phyllis!" Clive calls, gesturing wildly. "Come over here, the stars are out tonight!" He so desperately wanted to impress her with his vast knowledge of astronomy, the only thing he could think of as vaguely romantic. She's only slightly reluctant to comply, as he's not exactly the best of people to be gazing at stars with.

_Not like a prince..._

She shoves those treacherous thoughts out of her mind, and reminds herself to focus in the present. Clive's already babbling, waving to the numerous constellations.

"And that one right there, you see? The one that looks like an upside down Y, that one's called-"

"The Headless Giant." Susan breathes, unable to refrain the rush of memories. Clive peers at her suspiciously, and she completely forgets he's there. For a moment, he's not Clive anymore. She remembers a night very much like this one, a night of twinkling stars, of fawns and mice, and a dozen pathetic suitors.

"Are you quite alright, Phyllis?" Clive questions, worry etched into his face. She sharply turns back to him, having been dragged back into reality's falsity.

She fakes a smile, as if the whole thing was just an inside joke. She knows this smile from a while before- it's the same one she wore on her last day. It's been a mask she has burned into her skin, constantly present.

"Anyways, that one's called Perseus, and next to him..." Clive's voice drones on, but she has already memorized the stars. _The Ship, the Hammer, and the Leopard._ She rattles off, her eyes subconsciously finding them on their own. _Tarva, the Lord of Victory__, and Alambil, the Lady of Peace_. She smiles softly as Mars and Venus come into view. Things would always be different, now that she was in the real world. Those names were just what they were: names. Narnia was just another wistful dream of her foolish childhood.

She doesn't realize a tear escaping her eye until Clive cries out.

"Phyllis! Are you okay?"

She hastily swipes at it, flustered that she was so weak in front of him. Hardening her mask again, she smiles certainly.

"I'm fine, Clive, it's okay." Her voice comes out harsher than intended, and she immediately feels sorry.

"But really, if-"

"I'm fine."

Not another word is passed between them the rest of the evening.

* * *

_November 3rd, Year 1946_

_America_

She runs to find Lucy, who _promised_ she'd meet her at the train station when she came to America. There's no flash of auburn hair in the midst of the blonds and blacks, and she's beginning to lose hope.

"Su! There you are! Sorry I'm late!" Lucy's voice rings out cheerfully behind her, arms waving frantically. She smiles reassuringly, and is carrying a large brown satchel slung hastily over her shoulders.

"What's in the luggage?" She teases, poking Lucy lightly, almost making her tip over with the shift of weight. Lucy stumbles, but is able to right herself immediately.

"That was so mean, Su!" Lucy exclaims indignantly, and she laughs. It's been a year since the two sisters have united, and both are overcome by happiness. Chatter bubbles out of them naturally, as if no time at all has passed.

"So have you been called back?" Lucy whispers, a mischievous glint in her eyes. Susan immediately tenses, her chest aching for the familiar feel of her bow. She shakes her head sadly, looking down at her shoes. Lucy is immediately sympathetic, and comforts her. But Susan shakes her off, saying that it's okay, like she always has. Just like the times Ed and Peter have visited, she pulls on the same mask that has concealed her all these years.

Lucy stares at her with big, inquiring eyes, and Susan just smiles slightly in return.

"You know, I saw Aslan, and he says-"

She's cut off by a sudden gust of wind that blows the papers out of her bag. They scramble to snatch at them, but the strange gust blows them farther and farther. Susan's hair whips at her face, and for a second, she loses sight of Lucy.

But there she is, floating in the air like an angel. Her eyes are wide with panic, arms and legs flailing uselessly in the wild storm. She knows Lucy's screaming her name, but her words are lost in the wind. Susan cries out to Lucy, desperately flinging out her arms towards her. Their fingers interlock, and momentarily, Susan is floating too, hanging by a thread onto Lucy.

"Hang on to me, Lu!" She screams, but Lucy is slipping fast. Their palms separate, then their pinkie finger- their ring finger - then they're only grasping each other by three fingers.

"Lucy!"

"Susan!" They scream together, willing themselves to not let go. But despite their futile efforts, Lucy's middle finger loses grip, then her index. Susan clutches wildly at Lucy's thumb, but they both know it's not enough. The older girl's tears are swept away by the raging wind, and Lucy lets out a small smile before she lets go- and her body is torn apart by the storm. Susan catches a glimpse of her limp body being slammed against the train station ceiling, and she swears the whirlwind has been tinted red.

The wind suddenly stops, and Susan is met with a harsh smack against her back. The hard stone ground digs into her bones, and she chokes out whatever breath she had left. The ground is strangely mossy and warm, and the sun is shining through the trees. _Since when did America be so sunny?_ Susan ponders, before she realizes the full force of the situation.

She's returned to Narnia.

She can't help but grin madly- Lucy should be somewhere closeby! Whenever they were sent to Narnia, they always came together. She scrambles to her feet, and stumbles over rough forest terrain that she's all but forgotten, calling out loudly. She's met with a strange silence. The trees are still, and no familiar bird's song echoes through the forest. It's eerily quiet for Narnia. The last time she had seen this was- she shuddered to remember it -when Aslan disappeared.

"Lu! We're here! I finally made it back! I'm in Narnia, Lu! Don't you have so much to show me? Where were those trees that you said would sing and dance at the same time? What happened to the family of badgers in the deformed stump? Lu, come on! We aren't playing hide-and-seek anymore, you can come out now! Lucy, please- " Susan's voice cracks and dies when she realizes Lucy is no where in sight. Suddenly, she's overcome by a wave of loneliness and immense fear. Never had she ever ventured out in Narnia alone; it was always the four of them together. The Kings and Queens of Old, as the Narnians called them. They could never part, and Narnia needed them together. It was only her now- no bow, ordinary, schoolgirl Susan.

She was alone.

Susan sinks down on her knees on the soft leaves that littered the forest floor, and takes multiple short, ragged breaths. A cold drop on her hand startles her, before many more join it. Her vision is blurry, and it's hard to breathe. A nauseating feeling overcomes her, and she curls up on her side. _I'm...crying...?_ Susan can't remember the last time she's cried, and it's a foreign feeling now. Her dried mouth cracks open as she gasps for breath.

_Lucy's gone, and it's my fault._

No one is there to hear the heartbreaking wails that come from Susan's quivering form.

**BAM! And Susan is BACK AND READY FOR SOME NARNIAN ACTION! well that was a pretty heartbreaking ending so I had to lighten it up with something I guess...I'll try to update ASAP! **


	2. Chapter 2

**AND SO THE STORY CONTINUES! Ended last time on a pretty sad note so to cheer it up...I'LL GIVE YOU SOME ROMANCE~**

**or will i throw in some juicy plot? ;) THE STORY CHANGES DEPENDING ON THE REVIEWS SO REVIEW UP EVERYONEEEEEE**

**Mr. Lewis owns everything that I wish to own someday...shh I never said that**

* * *

_November 3rd, Year 1946_

_Narnia_

Nightfall comes by quickly, and it gets cold. Susan can't remember how to live, her body automatically breathing and blinking for her. _Maybe if I just wake up, it'll all be just a bad dream,_ she tries to convince herself. But falling asleep is out of the option. She knows how dangerous it could be as an unguarded female walking alone in the night. But it's also her chance to get out of here. She slowly brings herself up, leaning on the tree for support.

"Sorry." She whispers to the bark, knowing full well it probably couldn't hear her. Her knees are weak, as if she hadn't used them in years. Clawing her way through the trees, she only manages a few hundred meters before she feels out of breath. Her lips are cracked, and her throat is so hoarse it hurts to breathe.

She can't cry for help, and it's stupid how _weak_ she was. _Weak, pitiful, useless. _Her head pounds with the insults she throws at herself. She doesn't realize her lips are forming silent words scolding herself for losing her only sister. She stumbles and falls to the ground, knowing that she's too dehydrated and hungry to walk another step. Her eyes don't close, for she's afraid of the dangers lurking nearby.

She's awoken suddenly by pounding footsteps. _Had she fallen asleep? Stupid, stupid, _stupid. She mentally screams out her frustration at not being strong, but stays quiet in case they would hear her.

They're coming closer. She can hear it. Her sharp hunter's senses awaken for the first time in many long years, and she automatically distinguishes the different footsteps. One of them is limping, his gait was uneven. That would be to her advantage. They were all marching, she was sure, in a noble formation. No, they were searching. It was obvious by the sudden stop and start of the noise. _Well, they aren't very good at stealth. _She smiled at their naivety compared to her many years of war.

Suddenly the steps were all around her. They had spread out, and closing in. She was vulnerable, the night's dark cloak the only thing shielding her frail self. Susan scoured the area for a tree to climb, a rock to hide behind, anything. She was in an open field, with nothing but a few short stumps around her. _They were chopped down_. She realizes in horror. No wonder the trees weren't moving, and the birds weren't singing. _What have they done to my home?_ She stifles a gasp as she pictures the other things that could've happened. _He would've never... _Her thoughts stop. _He's not going to swoop in and save the day. Be strong, Susan_. She cheers herself on.

Weapons? Nothing but her hands and feet. Perhaps a stick laying around somewhere. But the forest was her terrain. The men's footsteps were choppy- they didn't know how to navigate silently. She lay down quietly, feigning unconsciousness. The moment she did, three men burst into the clearing. She kept her eyes firmly shut, for fear of recognition. They dashed over to her, and she could smell their putrid breath.

"We have a survivor." One of them grunts, his voice deep and rough.

"Pulse?" A second voice comes out, cool and calculated. He was most likely the medic- he did not sound like a battle worn warrior.

A clammy hand presses itself to her neck, and she tries not to flinch. Susan never liked the feeling of another's hands on her. She felt almost... violated. Eventually, he removes himself.

"Yeah. It's pounding like crazy." She can hear his smirk, and she curses her body for betraying her state. She smells cold metal, and hears the unsheathing of a dagger. Her heart thumps a crazed tempo, fear overtaking her mind. Was this how she died? Was this it for the former Queen?

Another set of footsteps enter the clearing- a horses' gallop. This person must be important to be on horseback rather than on foot. Susan hears the clink of metal against chains, and realizes he must be a prince or noble to have sword and armor.

"Wait. Let her be. Perhaps she can come to court." She does gasp this time. She knows that voice. It's someone she knows- and has been thinking about for the last 7 years. Her eyes fly open, and immediately find dark onyx ones. A playful smirk tugs on his lips- one she's missed so much- as he stares into hers.

"All hail Queen Susan the Gentle of Narnia." Caspian bows low, and his troops follow.

* * *

Susan is taken to his castle. It's the same as it always is- grand, magnificent, impressive. She holds back years worth of comments for Caspian, her nails biting into her palm every time he glances at her. She's happy- really happy. She can't suppress the blush on her face every time she glances at him and finds him already staring. Her cheeks always pull upwards against her will whenever her eyes unconsciously flit towards his gorgeous onyx eyes, the ones she has pictured time and time again in her mind.

"C-C-Caspian." She manages to splutter out. She curses her blasted mouth for not ever working right in his presence. Susan snaps her head up just to catch Caspian throw a casual glance over his shoulder at her. _Why does he have to be so out of my league?_ Susan silently pleads.

"Hello, Susan." He responds, turning towards the front again.

"Uh...h-how...how have you...um...been? You know, these...erm...past few...uh...years..." _Again with the stuttering! Get a hold of yourself, Su! _She mentally whacks herself, again cursing her lack of suave. She hears Caspian's low rumbling laughter, and her cheeks grow warm.

"The castle's changed, for sure. I made sure they kept a memorial of your thrones though. Just as a memento. Ya know? Here, let me show you what they've become." Caspian's smile is contagious, and Susan finds herself grinning alongside him as well. Caspian's hand envelops hers as he steers them both towards another complex of rooms. Susan's heart races as she feels her body tingling from the warmth of his hand.

Hand in hand...it was such a simple act, yet her body felt the sweet heat from Caspian spread throughout her every pore and penetrate the deepest part of her heart. As his large hand enveloped hers, she felt as if the long suffering winter that had overcome her senses slowly melt with every touch of spring. Their temperatures melted together, and the longing that had covered her for so long finally disappeared with the small but sweet gesture of Caspian's. She feels like she's finally alive- not just breathing and pumping blood and living- the kind of alive that makes you want to dance and sing and let your never-ending energy explode out to touch all the corners of the earth.

"Here. It may look a bit different, but it's what I could do with the wars always happening." Caspian grins sheepishly, and Susan thinks it's the most adorable face he's ever pulled for someone so mature. She takes a look around, and gasps.

The thrones are no longer mere chairs of stone, but rather have become great marble statues of a grand scale. They had carved a roaring lion into the side of Peter's old throne, which now stood a tad bit higher than the rest. It was coated with gold, and draped along the back of the chair was a stunning red cloth that depicted Peter's many hard fought battles. _There's the White Witch_, Susan points out, _and there's Aslan and Reepicheep! _She laughs as she notices Caspian's face scratched crudely onto the armrest with the saying, "I'll miss fighting with you! Come back soon, King!" It was no doubt Caspian's own handiwork.

Edmund's seat was a deep silver lined with flecks of gold, glimmering beautifully in the sunlight. The cloth draped against the back was a dazzling white, with a blue mariner's star in the middle. The base of the seat contained a depiction of a golden chess set, arranged neatly, ready to be played. Upon further discovery did Susan notice that there was a hidden button in the chair that brought forward an actual golden chess set, the one from Edmund's prior years. _If he had been here, that throne wouldn't be standing anymore_, Susan thought jokingly.

Lucy's throne was a simple sky blue, with a deep ocean blue drape cloth over the back. Dazzling colors of green, blue, and pink wrapped around the seat in the form of vines and blooming flowers. A birds nest had made its way into one of these vines, and there now lived a family of bluejays and woodpeckers in her throne. It was quite fitting, for Lucy the Valiant had never been one for extravagant fancies, nor would she accept them. She loved animals as well, and would have been delighted to find the birds.

Susan turned finally to her own throne. It was a startling white, pure and delicate. Intricate markings snaked their way up the chair, and unlike the others, hers did not have a drape cloth. The back portrayed her adventures- her archery practice, her hunting, her commandeering of troops in battle. It was not bold and declarative like Peter's, nor simple and childish like Lucy's. It was simple, yes, but also demanded attention for it's intricacy. It was truly a work of art.

"Oh Caspian, how on earth did you manage this?" Susan is sure her eyes are sparkling, for Caspian's eyes twinkle as well.

"It really was nothing, just a little bit here and there..." He shrugs, but she sees the proud grin threatening to overcome his nonchalant facade. She dances around the four thrones joyfully, never more happy to see them. She grabs Caspian by the wrists and spins him around with her, both laughing boisterously.

"I missed you _so _much, Caspian. You, and the rest of Narnia. I would've come back sooner if I could've!" She proclaims, still spinning._  
_

"I missed you too, Susan! It's been a long and lonely seven years without you four." He grins back. Susan could've lived in that moment forever. Just her and Caspian, carefree, dizzy, _happy_.

_So this is Narnia_. Susan beams. _No, _she corrects herself, _this is home._

* * *

___November 3rd, Year 1946_

They sit on the thrones and chat aimlessly for what seems like hours. Finally, Susan works up the nerve to prod at more intimate matters.

"So, you never told me how your life was here? How are the wars?" Caspian's joyous nature vanishes, and he almost frowns.

"Some people are still...resistant to us, I guess. Not as bad as before, but it's still there." He admits grudgingly.

"How are the Narnians doing?"

"Ehh..."

"Hn?"

"They're...managing fine so far."

"I don't believe a word you say, Caspian." She pokes him teasingly, and he rolls his eyes.

"The wars are definitely hurting them, but...I talked to Trumpkin and the other dwarfkin and they seem alright."

"That's good."

"Mm."

Their conversation seems to come to an awkward stop, yet Susan grasps desperately at topics just to keep his voice going.

"Are the trees still dancing?"

"Yes. Quite lovely to see, especially in the spring."

"Take me sometime."

"Perhaps. If you are still here."

"I hope so."

"I hope so too." He frowns for a moment, then returns to a neutral face.

"Is something the matter?" Susan notices his discomfort almost immediately.

"It's nothing, I'm just thinking." She knows he's lying, but decides to drop it. She tries a lighter matter.

"It's been seven years Caspian, have any of the ladies come for you yet?" She means it as a teasing matter, but his frown deepens. "Oh come on, don't tell me you haven't seen a single woman this entire time? Aww, did someone miss me? Thanks, I feel so-"

"Yea. I did see someone." His quiet admission startles her. _Oh, lighten up Su, did you really expect him not to?_ She prods more.

"So what's her name?"

"Actually, uh-"

"What's who's name?" A third voice rings out from the hallway, and Susan hears the clink of high heels against the stone floor. She whips around immediately, desiring to know the source of the voice.

Soft blue eyes atop a small, pert nose. A splash of freckles across high cheekbones and a defined jawline. Ruby red lips pursed slightly in disdain. A silver gown flowing down to her ankles, revealing the slightest bit of short open toed heels. A slim waist and ample bust connected to flawless fair skin.

Gorgeous white blond hair atopped with a silver tiara symbolizing queen-ship.

"Susan," Caspian shifted uncomfortably, "meet my wife, the queen of Narnia, Reina."


	3. Chapter 3

**ohmygod it feels so nice to be so evil! :)**

**this plot just gets better and better the more i think about it...perhaps a few plot twists are needed. Just a few.**

**To KI: hm...i'll answer that question in a few chapters...it's a maybe or a maybe not.**

**Who knows what might happen next? ;)**

**Warning: there's a little harsh language in this chappie, so for little-er people, beware. **

**Mr. C.S. Lewis owns all seven of the Narnia books that should've included Susan more which is why i am making this fanfiction to fill in the gaps with my imagination. Thank you C.S. Lewis for the inspiration. **

* * *

_November 3rd, Yeard 1946_

"Queen?" Susan's disbelief is clearly etched in her face and her voice. She looked at the woman, _Reina_, her name was, and made sure that that actually was the queen's tiara atop her head. She checked once, twice, three times to make sure this wasn't some sick dream, and that she was still in the forest.

"Yes, Queen. We've been married for two years now. Father arranged it for me to ensure a heir and peace between us and the Forest Dwellers." Caspian manages to keep his voice steady, even though his face betrayed great discomfort.

"Peace?" Susan can't seem to make coherent sentences at all, only spitting out the word that popped into her mind.

"Yes, some of the Forest Dwellers have been unhappy with my reign. Reina is technically a water nymph, although her father is technically a fairy. She was a sort of...peace offering." Caspian shrugs, as if it was no big deal. _No big deal my ass. _Susan resists the urge to glare her eyes out at the fairy nymph. Was that even possible?

"Yes, I may not seem like much, but Caspian has chosen me to bear the next heir **(AN: UNINTENTIONAL RHYME)** to rule over Narnia. It was the only way to ensure that we would have complete consent with everyone." Reina's voice is silky and light, just like a fairy. Susan is immediately jealous of her flawlessness. _It's no wonder Caspian..._ Susan shuts off the internal voice in her head. Reina's poise is evident in her every action, from her word choice to the way she strolled around the room. _She seems like such a _bitch_! _The mean girl Susan snarls at Reina, screaming at her to back off.

Reina's eyes looked over Susan's figure, and she smirked softly. "It appears you are quite confused." She sings in that stupid fairy voice of hers. Susan almost growls at Reina for being so...

A warm hand clasps down on her shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. Caspian's confidant smile eases Susan's mind greatly. She hadn't realized her hands were clamped in a tight fist until now. Just as she looked back at him, he averted his eyes quickly, and darted back to Reina's side. She felt the difference with his absence, a missing piece of the puzzle.

She saw them together, and finally saw the way she gazed into his eyes, and he gazed back. Although an arranged marriage, it was clear they had fallen in love.

"I-I'm sorry." She splutters out, and dashes out the room. Tears sparkle in her vision, a beautiful thing that made the world sad.

_She_ should've been the queen.

* * *

Caspian looks after her longingly. He knows Reina saw the regret in his eyes, and that he could not match the longing in hers. Reina is now the only one he has, the only one that could take care of him.

They were in love, yes, but he had always saved a small piece for Susan in hopes she would return, and now, that piece had grown into an entire half of the puzzle. He clears his dry throat, stifles a sniff, and refuses to let himself tear up.

But still one thought haunts him as he watches her disappear down the hallway.

_Susan _should've been the queen.

* * *

_November 5th, Year 1946_

Two days have passed since their encounter, and Susan still refuses to come out of her guest room for anything but meals. She would sit on her bed, rocking back and forth, back and forth, like an old and worn out grandfather chair. But this grandfather chair was tired and lonely and sad, and had not felt the warmth of another person for so long.

_Oh, suck it up, loser. You've always dealt with it. Always. _She chants to herself during the long hours that pass. They're empty words that have no meaning, yet give her strength each day to venture out.

Dinnertime is a fun and boisterous event for them; but for her, it's a time of tight masks and fake smiles. A time to see the Queen and King of Narnia joyously enjoying each other's company, while she sat politely (_and pathetically, _she adds) waiting for the meals to come. They end as quickly as they come, and almost immediately, Susan would be back in her bed, thinking, waiting, dying.

Each slow hour that passed was another hour of seeing Caspian's face over and over again, and over and over again would Reina invade, taking a hold of him, and disappearing with his heart. _Bloody hell, why are you so emotional about this stupid arse? He's a prick who couldn't wait a few years, and you deserve much much better_. She tries to convince herself of this, and tries and tries and tries until all she can think about is how happy Reina must be.

How cruel the gods must be to submit her to this fate. To bring her hopes up once, then bring her smashing back down into reality with a stinging realization. What a funny joke, she thinks, to have poor Susan being toyed around with. Susan, who's trying her best to look after her strewn apart family. Susan, who's finally found someone she really loves. And now, they must be laughing with tears in their eyes at how miserable a human Susan is.

What a funny joke it is.

A sharp rap on her door jerks Susan out of her wallowing. She slowly looks up, not willing to open the door.

"Who is it?" She says a little too forcefully, desperately concealing her previous sorrows.

"It's urgent, Queen Susan." A man's voice responds. He seems no older than her, judging by the pitch of his voice.

"Whatever it is, it can wait. I'm going to sleep soon." She lies pathetically. _Since when did fatigue ever stop you? _She thinks to herself. She can hear a frustrated huff from the other side.

"It concerns your sister, the young Queen Lucy. You must hear this." He sounds as though he's ready to go down on his knees and beg for entrance.

But that isn't needed, as Susan immediately jerks out of bed and swings the door open.

"What is it with my sister?" She demands in his face. Her brain is spinning wildly with the thought of _Lucy Lucy Lucy oh please don't be hurt. _The boy stares defiantly back into her eyes.

"Let me in, and I'll explain." He states evenly, not backing down for a second. She ushers him in quickly, and slams the door behind them.

"Wouldn't people think it strange, milady? A queen alone in her room with a foreign boy? Wouldn't some...rumors, per se, start?" He waggles his eyebrows teasingly, and Susan immediately regrets ever listening to this cheeky cunt.

"Cut the crap, boy. What about Lu have you heard?" She near snarls at him, while he lazily flops onto her bed.

"Well, aren't you the impatient one here?" He drawls, only fueling her anger.

"Tell me, boy, and I won't draw my bow on you right here and now."

"Alright, alright, but I do have a title. I'm King Caspian's royal adviser, or his, erm, _Professor, _so to speak. So please, address me as Professor instead of 'boy'. I do feel a bit offended." He smirks like he's the king of the world, and Susan grudgingly acknowledges his cockiness. _Takes quite the balls to talk like that to the Queen. Guess he must be some hotshot professor, alright. _

"Alright, Professor, tell me what you know about Lu."

"Well, apparently, she has been spotted in the Eastern Forest, where our enemies lie. She has surprisingly made peace with them, and even convinced some to join our side. Our scouts witnessed her speaking to Aslan, and it appears he will be sending her home in a short while." He pauses, letting his words sink in. Susan nearly collapses on the bed with him in relief. Thank Aslan that her sister was alright. She would be safe from harm, as long as Aslan was there with her.

"Any other news?" Professor is hesitant to respond.

"I...I'm not sure you would like it...milady." He shifts in a similar way to Caspian from before. It's almost unnoticeable, but to Susan's well trained eyes, it's a red flare in the sky. But for now, she pays it no heed.

With a glance, she urges Professor's words out. "It seems that...there is magical imbalance in this world. With Lucy arriving in our enemy's land, along came Aslan, who tried to persuade them off their cause. However, they revolted. 'We will never succumb to those dirty Telmarines', or something of the like. They think we have too much power, and that we will definitely abuse it to our will. They are right, in a sense, but-" He pauses, giving her a tentative glance. She nods for him to go on.

"Magic balance is the essential core of Narnia. If there is an imbalance, storms and plagues will ensue. There will be entire dynasties filled with gloom and sacrifice, where the sky will turn black with malice and the seas will froth and spit lava from their pits. Or so they say in the ancient books. And the source of this imbalance..." His eyes, filled with dread, met Susan's.

"...is your family."

* * *

"No."

The first words out of Susan's mouth were out of pure shock. The only thought she could comprehend was _no, that can't be. Not Lu. Not Ed. Not Peter. _She could only gape at Professor as he stared solemnly at the ground. _  
_

"I-It's true. The moment you entered this land, you shifted the course of our history. A-and, people- people never like that. And if it isn't fixed at once, the next catastrophe will decimate the land."

"Tell me how to fix it." She demanded, grabbing his shirt roughly. "Tell me!"

"I-I don't know any other way than...than...than balancing out the magic by force." He squeaks. Susan frowned. What did that mean?

Then the realization hit her full force. Professor must've seen it in her aghast face, because he gave the tiniest hint of a nod.

"One of you must leave Narnia...forever."

She falls onto the bed, shaking with the impact of those words. _I can't...I can't abandon this place. I can't let all our memories go to waste. I absolutely _can't! But inside, she knew Professor was right.

"Please...if I promise to help you...please...I beg of you...please protect my siblings." She whispered meekly. He smiled gently, cupping her cold, cold hands with his own.

"I promise. Until the day the sun rises in the west and sets in the east, and the oceans are hard as ice and the mountains wave in the breeze, I shall guard them with my life." His words are hollow, empty, but they offer Susan the smallest consolation.

"By when should I leave?" She squares her shoulder, already determined.

"Whenever you are ready. When all the castle is asleep and the moon shines high in the dark sky, you shall go to the western-most wing, where there is an archway in an empty room. That archway will lead you back to your world. Once you are back, you must never speak of Narnia ever again. You must pretend you have no memory of it, that this was all just a foolish child's adventure. You must be strong, Susan. If you show the slightest of weaknesses, Narnia will grab hold of you and haul you back. You must not let that happen. Please, Su, you have to do this for your brothers and sisters." She exhales deeply, feeling weary already.

This place is- no, was- her home, and now she would have to leave it all behind. "I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble, Professor." She nods him off, and he walks towards the door.

He takes one last glance at her before exiting, a look of deep sorrow and sympathy. Then, he's gone.

Susan takes a few shaky breaths, mulling over this new information. _I'll have to leave Peter, Ed, and Lucy to this land. They'll remember three kings and queens of Narnia, not four. It'll soon go back to normal. He promised._

There was a shuddering of a gasp.

Trembling shoulders.

And Susan cried.


	4. Chapter 4

**wow angsty angsty angsty**

**yay angst is fun fun fun idk i got kinda really stuck on what i should've written in this chappie...so it's a little lamer than my other ones eh oh well...**

**me: SUSAN! CASPIAN! GET BACK HERE SO YOU CAN TELL THEM MY TRUE INTENTIONS! **

**S: YOU'LL NEVER OWN ME!**

**C: LEWIS OWNS EVERYTHING! EVERYTHINGGGGG!**

**me: gosh darnit...do i own anything?**

**Reina: *pops head out* OH! That's my cue! You own me, dear tea-pyon!**

* * *

_November 6th, Year 1946_

_Narnia_

The rest of the night was a hell of another world. She couldn't breathe, her hands wouldn't stop shaking, and her eyes refused to close for a second. But the next day, with a steeled heart and focused mind, bit by bit, Susan filled a bag with her special Narnian possessions. Her bow, her horn, and a few of her clothes for good measure.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a golden corner peeking out of her cabinet. Tugging gently at it, a handkerchief tumbled out. A roaring lion was embroidered onto the scarlet fabric in blazing gold. The edges were laced with intricate designs made with single strands of string. It was hurriedly wrapped around a square box.

Susan gently pried the cloth open, and revealed a hand-woven box of bark from the Fairy Woods. The thinnest and finest wood, but also able to withstand tons of strength. It would never break, and was everlasting. The fairies had laced their magic in it, making it resilient to almost everything. The craftsmanship was so delicately made, it was as if a fairy herself had done it.

Inside was a gleaming silver chain bracelet with a series of pendants: a shield, a bow, a crown, and a horn. A note was tucked in the middle, which read:

_Fair Susan,_

_I apologize for not introducing you to Reina properly before. I was so happy to finally see you again after all these years, I completely let the matter slip out of my mind. Please forgive me. It's been pretty lonely and quiet around here without you- and your siblings, of course. _

_Please join me for a meal sometime. It's been much too busy at family meals to speak privately with you. I don't know how else to speak with you, it's very hard for me to approach you now that you know of Reina. Tonight, I'll wait for you at the fountain. I'll wait for the whole night if I must. If you come, please give me a chance to explain. If you don't, I promise I won't bother you for the rest of your stay. _

_Please give me a chance,_

_Caspian. _

Susan folded the note and collapsed on the bed. She held it close to her chest, breathing heavily. _Just when I'm about to move on, he just _has _to remind me. Of course. Because that's just how fate works. Of course. But I won't fall for it, definitely. Not this time. __  
_

Even as she thought the words, her heartbeat grew erratic just by thinking of him. She could not resist smiling at the notion.

With perfect timing, Professor's freckled face popped into her room.

"Susan, are you almost ready?" He sighed, almost seeming annoyed. Seeing her laying on the bed dazedly, he huffed out more.

"Seriously, Su, what is wrong with you? You seem like a lovesick pup." Susan shot him a nasty look before remembering he was there to help her. She sat straight up, still clutching the note.

"Caspian asked me to meet him at the fountain tonight." She stated bluntly, deciding against dancing around the topic. The minute the words escaped, she regretted ever letting them out.

He shot her the deadliest look she'd ever seen on his face, and she immediately cowered.

"Do you think I would risk the entire fate of my beloved land for some petty teenage love? No. That is the answer, and you should know that." His haughty stance forced her to only pout and sulk on her bed. He exits abruptly, muttering something about stupid teenagers. He didn't seem to realize he was one too.

Susan flopped back on her bed, only Caspian on her mind.

* * *

_November 6th, 11:55 P.M, Year 1946_

_Narnia_

Susan tossed and turned on her bed. _Caspian is waiting,_ her mind chanted. She hugged her knees to her chest underneath the covers, rolling back and forth, hoping to find safety in the warmth. There was none.

_By the fountain. _

She tossed the blanket off her body, suddenly alert. It was probably her last chance to see him. Resolutely, she tip toed out the door, wincing at the slight creak of the floorboards.

Thankfully, she remembered most of the hidden tricks within the castle, so it was easy to maneuver the squeaky floorboards and trapdoors. It seemed to take years to walk a mere 50 yards to the center of the huge palace.

She finally stepped into the light bathing the fountain in a luminous glow. Sitting quietly on the side steps leading to it was Caspian, the moonlight cascading down on his figure, the shadows darker and his eyes brighter. He constantly glanced at the ticking grandfather clock in the corner, sighing sadly when it reached midnight. He smiled bitterly, and with a shake of his head, he stood up wearily, like an overused rocking chair. She made a small noise, almost calling out to him, but it was enough in the dead silent air.

Blue met onyx.

Susan gasped loudly, and began to turn away. A cold hand suddenly gripped her wrist. Caspian looked at her with a bitter smile. She couldn't bear to meet his eyes, and kept her back turned. Slowly, he let go.

"Su, please at least let me explain." He whispers, and he sounds so sad and broken that she can't help but succumb. She slowly turns to face him, eyes still focused intently on the floor.

He grasps both of her shoulders firmly, staring directly at her.

"Susan." He caresses her name with his smooth voice, and she shivers. An imaginary chill dashes down her spine, the same way it always had back when she and Caspian were young and in love.

Susan meets his gaze almost tentatively, but her eyes were steeled and cold. He stared right back, and for a while they just stood there, mesmerized by the sight of each other in the pale moon.

"Reina was not my choice to make." He starts, and Susan stiffens. Caspian ignores her, and continues on.

"I truly wished for you to come back. I would pray that one night, I may be able to see you again. But time is a cruel demon, and my father believed it was time for our war to finally end."

"He arranged this marriage for me, and the moment I saw Reina, I couldn't help but see you in the back of my mind. She was this dainty little thing, and I could not help but scowl when she failed to shoot an arrow." Susan couldn't hold back a satisfied smirk. _She's just a stupid blonde bimbo. _

"But over the years, I could see her for who she was. She was pure-hearted, innocent, and kind to an extent I had never thought possible before. I respected her skills, and that respect grew into something more as time progressed."

"But then you came back. I was exhilarated. All my feelings for you came rushing back so suddenly, and Reina was completely erased from my mind. I felt so guilty about ever filling your spot in my heart with Reina. I want you here, Susan. I _need_ you here." He finishes with a sad puppy-dog look that wipes Susan's mind blank. All she could hear ringing in her ears were a few lines.

_You were replaced. _

"I waited so long, Caspian. I just- I couldn't come back for so long. I gave up. All I had were my memories. What could I have done? I couldn't fill that hole, but you could. You moved on. I couldn't. So now it's my turn to leave, this time for sure." Susan took a shaky breath.

"You- you have a life, Caspian. As the king, and as Reina's husband. I am nothing more than a ghost of your past, and I've been dwelling on it for too long. This ghost will be reborn, and I'll finally leave you behind. This really will be the last time I see you- "

"Susan." Caspian finally is able to meet Susan's gaze full on, and she sees the broken shards of glass glistening in his stare. He had been broken for so long, and now he was bursting into a million pieces all over again. Susan broke his gaze, looking away. She refused to show weakness.

_He's trembling_, she notices. _His hands are cold as ice and they are wobbling on my shoulders._

"May I have the honor of seeing you off, Su?"

She manages a small smile.

"Since when have you ever had to ask?"

And behind all the sadness and weight in those two sentences was a bittersweet feeling; their story of two fates having been brought together and ripped apart countless times, was finally ending.

He grasps her in his hold one last time, one last sweet gesture for her to remember him by. She pulls away first.

"Goodbye, Your Grace."

"Farewell, milady."

She turns steps leading to the twisted tree which Aslan created as a portal, and doesn't look back. Susan knows Caspian's eyes are on her.

_It's finally over. _

Three steps to go.

_You can forget now._

Two steps to go.

_You can move on now. _

One step to go.

_You can live a normal life now. _

One foot is through the portal.

_Your siblings will be here without you, and it'll be safe. _

Her eyes unconsciously dart backwards, looking over her shoulder. His eyes are fixated on the ground, mouth drawn in a forlorn expression.

_He'll forget you. _

Both feet through the portal. A sudden tugging sensation yanks at her entire body, drawing her through the magic channel.

"I don't want that." A voice resounds in her head, and it takes her a while to realize it was her own. _I don't want this. _

Knowing it's too late, she calls out helplessly to Caspian.

"I'msosorryIlovey- "

The portal closes, and she collapses in her bedroom. She whips around and smacks face first into her own mirror- the mirror that was the portal.

"I'm sorry." She whispers again, a helpless palm sliding down the mirror.

Susan slumps down on the floor, shaking and dry-eyed.


End file.
